Dichotomy

I cried for you last nightBele_and_Lokai

I cried for me

For the little girl I saw in you

Who was me

And all the little girls

That have come and gone

The little ones who will be

Tears for those who didn’t receive

What they needed or wanted

When they needed her

Or wanted her

 

Mother…

I cried for me last night

For lifetimes spent searching

Lost, searching in pursuit of myself

Searching for a Mother who never existed

Never will be, never could be

Creating me, tough with my impenetrable heart

Safe…against you world

 

Mother…

Make me strong, protect me, nurture me

Be…

A catalyst of encouragement…or not

Gone…

In rationalizations of explanations

In therapists offices

That go on forever

Weeping for me, weeping for you

Tears, I forget, then remember

She too was once a little girl

Lost…in search of self

She too was looking for her Mother

Who never could be all things to her

 

Looking outward I see inside 

Then seen inside of me

Circles round bring us home to ourselves

Accepting her with flaws, I accept myself with mine

The way I am…now…with a penetrable heart

That let her in and found myself

Then found my world

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5 thoughts on “Dichotomy

  1. Hmmm…so my 72 year old mother likes shiny embroidery on her jeans, just like my 6 year old niece. I see their eyes light up simultaneously when they see them in the store window. I’m hoping there is communion in it for both of them. Somehow there is joy in it for me.

  2. This one’s interesting, Sara. I don’t have a lot to say on this because my relationship with my own mother stinks, but I see a lot of power in the words you’ve chosen. Well done.

  3. This is beautiful Sara. The only way to heal is to forgive, and to see the innocent child in the ones who hurt us most. We all hurt, we all make mistakes, we all can heal a wounded soul if we can just accept and forgive. Thank you for sharing these words.

  4. Hi Sara, you could have written this for me ! It reasonates so deeply. I have just written another post on my relationship with my own mother. Becoming a mother myself has provided the most healing journey. I think forgiveness and understanding will take a while longer.

    Thank you for your beautiful words.

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