Dichotomy

I cried for you last nightBele_and_Lokai

I cried for me

For the little girl I saw in you

Who was me

And all the little girls

That have come and gone

The little ones who will be

Tears for those who didn’t receive

What they needed or wanted

When they needed her

Or wanted her

 

Mother…

I cried for me last night

For lifetimes spent searching

Lost, searching in pursuit of myself

Searching for a Mother who never existed

Never will be, never could be

Creating me, tough with my impenetrable heart

Safe…against you world

 

Mother…

Make me strong, protect me, nurture me

Be…

A catalyst of encouragement…or not

Gone…

In rationalizations of explanations

In therapists offices

That go on forever

Weeping for me, weeping for you

Tears, I forget, then remember

She too was once a little girl

Lost…in search of self

She too was looking for her Mother

Who never could be all things to her

 

Looking outward I see inside 

Then seen inside of me

Circles round bring us home to ourselves

Accepting her with flaws, I accept myself with mine

The way I am…now…with a penetrable heart

That let her in and found myself

Then found my world

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Southwest Calling

 

 

I was lost once…

without a compass

without hope

without faith

without God

without Me.

Lost in the forest

of my creation

knowing not the path

for the trees

knowing not where the sky left off

and I began.

Believed the self delusion

others knew more

who I should be

than me.

I asked God, “Who am I?”

He answered gently,

“Who do you want to be?”

All rights reserved.  ©2009 by Sara Fryd